2013

A year of contradictions. I closed myself, but I told my oldest secrets to people I thought would never find out about them. I communicate a minimal amount of information about myself and my life, but I speak loudly and openly about the things that don't really matter. I laughed a lot, but I think I've only ever been this sad once before. I took the first step towards getting back into the arts, andhalf a year later I realized it was the last thing I wanted to do. I let go of a lot of things, but I have never felt this attached to others.
And Melina turned 14. This is unbelieable.

I travelled a lot. Italy, Belgium, France, Austria, Israel twice, Sweden, Switzerland, Finland, Romania, Holland, Slovenia, Serbia and a lot of plcaes in Hungary. A bunch of cities, a bunch of experiences, people and faces. Smiles and tears. Nights of partying, nights of working in strange countries, making conversations with strangers, dancing with weirdos, unkown hotel rooms, making friends with receptionists. Sea, guitars, cocktails. A huge storm, a lot of Excel sheets, questions, doubts. Knowing that it is physically impossible to perform 100%. Mornings when I had no idea which country I was in. A wonderful fling, hugging old friends - Mike, Angelo, Salpi. You want the truth? It was too much, it was too intense, there was too much to process in too little time.

I don't want to go into detail with family stuff, but when a sister says she doesn't care about her little sister, that's not cool. When a grandmother's Christmas gift is double the amount to one of the grandchildren than to the other two, that's not cool. When a grandmother doesn't look at her non blood-related grandchild as a grandchild after a divorce, that's not cool. When an uncle disowns his niece because she couldn't keep quet any longer, that's not cool. Just. Not. Cool.

Two friendships stayed broken, one was newly broke, another very important one was mended. It was hard work, but we knew that if we stood up from this, there would be no obstacles we wouldn't overcome in the future. My new friends mean a lot and prove that it is never too late to meet people.

Oh, the men! I was finally able to get rid of Mr. Curly Hair, and this time it wasn't with sadness and tears, but with comfort and smiles. Quite a few months were occupied by Mr. Psychopath, who turned out not to be a psycho, but a boy with a lot of bagagge. He gets a golden star for the way he behaved towards the end of the year. The Black Hair Prince turned my world upside down, we spent two amazing weeks together, which seemed more like ten years. His uncomparable eyes burned me forever, his words reassured me, and he clarified a lot of things for me. The Argentinian was a super experience, lengthy conversations and revelations, endless hugs, cheeky smiles, lattes and nose-kisses. Mr. Tel Aviv gave me the best farewell ever with the most gorgeous sunset I have ever seen and his guitar and the sea writing a love song together. I will never forget it!

And the music! Hungry Ghost, Yael Naim, Adele, Emeli Sandé, The Black Keys, The Neighbourhood, Woodkid, Leonard Cohen, a lot of Mastodon, a lot of Volbeat, Metallica, Low, London Grammar, Brian Crain, Norah Jones, Bullet for my Valentine, Lana del Rey, Dub FX, System of a Down and so many more. Lifesavers, that's what they are!

A lot of things happened - a partially broken ligament, a fully broken ligament, a cracked and bruised wrist-bone, vertigo, fainting, problems with my teeth, fever, endless nights at the clinic, scary results, MRI, scans, X-rays, gray spots, question marks question marks question marks. It might never end. It is fucking tiring.

What was 2013 like? Meeehhhh. That's what it was like.