Mea vulva

- He should be kind, sweet, you know … inner values. A tiger taking quiet steps, that’s a real man!
These lines around her waist, the ponytail flinging as she moves her head, the imponderable little laughters, they all scream for education.
- A man is someone who has no cunt.

Our conversation is interrupted by Michael, he waves to me like a shy little boy and awkwardly makes his way towards the counter. It’s obvious from the moderate enthusiasm that back in the day there was less than a sheet between us. We are trying to hide the mistakes and the silent failure characteristic of meaningless relationships. We were cheating on ourselves with each other, it would be better to forget the whole thing. The girl sitting at my table is demanding an answer with her pencil-drawn eyebrows high up on her forehead.
- Well??
Her voice is full of contempt and doubt. I translate her question: „What were you doing with this guy?” And then I continue: „With this characterless guy.” She means, why did I have a fling with his worn-out sneakers, his drink made of cheap coffee and his Ford Fairlane quotes.

I’m not the caritative type, but if it’s to amuse myself, I give give give. Four sentences come to my mind: „Get ready for joy. Knowledge is sexy. Get ready for pain. Knowledge is suffering.”

My karma could use a little charity from me.

1st lesson: Inner values.
Get ready, girls.

- What was I doing with this guy? – with my two hands I show a size somewhat bigger than average and I nod my head with admiration. My corky hint is followed by a light ’hehe’ and a covert flood of thoughts from her part. She sips from her glass and glances at the counter. Good, she’s on my hook.
- It is only with the eyes that one can see rightly. – I reassure her, giving her the green light.

Michael calls me a couple of days later to tell me that the girl I was with the other day … In my answer I reassure him of the lady’s serious intentions and I tell him that to her, inner values are the most important thing.

And then I rejoice at the thought of the girl’s character-development in the moment when she frees Michael’s tiny, but very kind penis from his zipper’s teeth.

Mea vulva.