Sad and Angry

How to make missing him bearable. First of all, it is prohibited to think of the fact that I miss him. I have to let minutes, hours and days pass by. At times, they go by fast, other times they go by slower. I live from e-mail to e-mail, from conversation to conversation, I drift. And it works. Usually.

And then the world's worst feeling strikes in. At night, on a ship somewhere in the middle of the sea, after havin had a bottle of wine, in the middle of a concert. And I realise that the bad feeling that keeps my daily routine going, comes from missing him. I'm not strong enough, I'm not brave enough, I'm not happy without him. I'm ... I'm just not without him.

And it's fucking hard.