Language of love

I think we don't tell each other enough times that we love the other. Or that we appreciate what they do.

I know, it's so cheesy that in movies people are constantly saying "I love you." or "I value your personality.", but what if that's actually a good thing? What if everyone actually needs that? What if we encouraged each other more often? What if we "loved" each other a little more?

I know myself. I need words. I need people who are important to me to support me.

I've always felt and known that my family loves and supports me, no matter what I decide to do next. But nowadays I spend most of my time with people who are not part of my family.

And I need exactly the amount of support at work and from my friends that I got from my family back in the day. I really don't think I'm the only person who feels this way ...

Not that I'm so good at this. I've been working on it for years. To always express what I feel, what I think, even if it seems irrelevant. I don't think it's been going too well, but I'm still trying.

Obviously, one has to be able to accept those kind words. I mean, if I tell someone that they rock my world, but they don't believe me or my words don't mean anything to them or they constantly reply to my compliments in a negative way ... well then, it seems like there is no need to say the words. But the truth is, these people are making it so much harder for themselves, not for me.

I say, "You look good today!", and they say, "Oh, so I don't usually look good?"

Sometimes I think we are hopeless.

So: Whoever you are, if you're reading this, I'm happy you are here. I'm happy for you, I think it's great that you take the time to read my words. Feel yourself at home, and please come again anytime! :-)

Human nature

Everything gets solved phisically. No way can you understand something and then be calm in it. They either humiliate you in your body, or they praise you, or they rape you, or they accept you, but everything has to happen in the body, otherwise it will never be truly over. That which doesn't happen through the body, will always be something on hold, something pending. That's just human nature.

Sad and Angry

How to make missing him bearable. First of all, it is prohibited to think of the fact that I miss him. I have to let minutes, hours and days pass by. At times, they go by fast, other times they go by slower. I live from e-mail to e-mail, from conversation to conversation, I drift. And it works. Usually.

And then the world's worst feeling strikes in. At night, on a ship somewhere in the middle of the sea, after havin had a bottle of wine, in the middle of a concert. And I realise that the bad feeling that keeps my daily routine going, comes from missing him. I'm not strong enough, I'm not brave enough, I'm not happy without him. I'm ... I'm just not without him.

And it's fucking hard.