I am participating in VEDA this year.
The day 1 and day 2 videos are up, enjoy! Sorry about the sound quality and the awkwardness, I'm really new to this.

If I start, when I am in the middle of it, or when I am nearing the end of the thing, I am positive that it will be there, written in bacl and white, that feeling when I sit on my remote control by mistake, and I will have no idea about the fact that I am sitting on it, but it switches off, and everything will be silent. Because a lot of times that is exactly what surprise is like. Or sometimes even life. Not the bad kind, you know, just the kind that feels like something's missing. And then you don't really understand it, you are listening to the silence, and then you realize that you are sitting on the remote control, that I am sitting on it, actually, and it wasn't even you intention to sit on it, it wasn't my intention either. But by that time you get used to the silence and it's kind of nice. It is pressing your ass, my cruel ass - that gorgeous remote control. Fucking television. And all you fucking silences.

2011 - So long, sucker.

Last year started off with a whole lot of university stress, then continued with a diagnosis noone would want to hear, then there was a lot of hearts broken and mended and broken again, I divorces theater and tried to banish all the people that came with it from my life - did not work. I got a job on the 1st of July and met new people, then I started dating my friend of ten years, who then left to Australia on a two-year contract, yay. Theater started filtering back into my life along with the aforementioned people who come with it. My cancer worsened and I started focusing. Then the year came to an end and nothing changed.

Here goes.


What was 2011 for you?

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

I signed a contract at a corporate company and apparently sold my soul.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

2010 was the first year when I decided not to make new year's resolutions and I stayed true to this tradition in 2011 as well. I did however vow that I would beat cancer this year. Coz I have to and full stop.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

So many babies again this year! My nephew was born for example. I also had three friends give birth this year. It's an epidemic.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. A lot of people close to me died. Coz when we're talking about death, 5 in one year is a lot, right?

Wow ... it's even more shocking when written down.

5. What countries did you visit?

Greece <3, Czech Republic, Austria, Italy

6. What would you like to have had in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

I would have liked to have a diploma in my hands. I didn't.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

- The day I was told I had three months to live if I didn't start treatment right away, because it was one of the most shocking moments of my life - do you know that feeling when disbelief, disgust and fear are mixed with a bit of "Idon'tgiveafuck"?

- The day I started working at IBM.

I'm sure there were more days I should remember, but I can't recall them right now.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Quitting theater. It might sound like nothing, but believe me, I have never had to work so hard at achieving something before.

Oh! Also, passing my linguistics exam.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not being able to live without a certain someone. I cannot for the life of me understand what I still see in him (oh, yes I can, but don't tell anyone), yet I just need him to be a part of my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Pneumonia, tonsillitis, lymphoma. Fun times.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I'm so happy about my earring-holder! Storing my jewellery has been a huge problem for quite some time.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

All those friends' and their families' who live tens of thousands of kilometers away from each other. It's tough.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Dominique's. She hurt me bad and doesn't even know that she didn't only destroy our friendship, she also made it impossible for me to even think about Joci, who was probably the most special person in my life, and who I just cannot disconnect from Dominique in my mind.

Fuck you, you petty little coward.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Earrings, theater, taxis, alcohol. Lovely.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

All the very important weddings that happened this year.

16. What song will always remind of you 2011?

This one probably. It's the lyrics. Trust me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are:

a)happier or sadder?

Sadder.

b)thinner or fatter?

Fatter.

c) richer or poorer?

Richer.


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sports.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Doctor's visits.

20. Did you fall in love in 2011?

No. I didn't fall out of it either, unfortunately.

21. What was your favourite TV program?

Parenthood, Modern Family, So you think you can dance.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yes, I really do. This is the first time in my life when I can say without the faintest trace of doubt that I hate someone.

23. What was the best book you read?

That's a cruel question and I refuse to answer it.

I did finally read everything I could find by Sylvia Plath. Hm.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Illangó. I'm in love with these three wonderful girls and their voices.
I also rediscovered Tom Waits and fell in love with him all over again.

25. What did you want and get?

It would be nice to know what it is I want, but I don't, so there was no way I could get it.

26. What did you want and not get?

My diploma.

27. What was your favourite film of this year?

I liked Égi Madár, but other than that, no movies really stood out for me.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

It was my 26th birthday just a week ago and as usual, it was a whole special birthday week full of surprises, wonderful personal gifts, words that mean a lot, smiles that I though had gotten lost forever.

On the actual day of my birthday I was with my nephew and sister.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Non existent. I just wear what I like and feel comfortable in.

30. What kept you sane?

My nephew and Bálint.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I really can't think of anyone right now.

32. Who did you miss?

My mum. My grandma. My sister. Zsolt. Andi. Norbi. Bálint. Ervin.

33. Who was the best new person you met?

Anna and Reni. Colleagues who are now closer to being friends of mine than just people I work with. Huge gifts of 2011!

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Be very very very careful with who you trust and love. If you think you already are, then add another dosage of careful to that. Seriously.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Not gonna happen right now.


May this year bring everyone health, creativity, openness, patience and tolerance. Let's all be a little nicer to each other, it's really not that hard!